FAT Sex Series! Sex-cation, Libido and Getting Some!
Interview with Jessica from Toronto! Post Cancun!
The Fat Sex Series!
We’ve been doing the LIVE interviews. And while this is an interview, we accidentally didn’t get the on resort interview!
This is a post Desire ep with Jessica from Toronto! we did a great one while we were there and then it didn’t record. So here we re-record it and talk about post sex-cation drop and so much more!
Come hang out with us and talk giant sex experiences, comparison, gang bangs, having a period of low libido, and being seriously awkward!
Jessica is a pole dancer and burlesque performer in Canada and she talks about dancing, sex vacation, libido and more!
Show notes: Fat Sex Series!Sex-cation, Libido and Getting Some!Guest interview day! Interview with Jessica from Toronto!
Jessica is a fat burlesque dancer, fat pole dancer and awesome fat women who was at our sex-cation with Swingset Takes Desire in Cancun this fall!
We talk about:
- Coming out as bisexual.
- You can just have sex with women and not necessarily date them and that’s ok!
- Event drop. It’s real yo’!
- Having a sad.
- Being all in at the resort
- Other sex positive resorts and getting comfy being naked in a fat body.
- Finding a sexy resort for the first time!
- Dieting eats your life, time, energy and effort.
- “If only” with dieting – before being “fat”
- Fat pole dancing!
- “Comparison is the thief of joy!”
- Moms that’s diet and how that is.
- Food policing
- Finding clothes
- Periods of low libido
- Married and opening your relationship
- Transitioning into polyamory
- Work playing havoc with your libido
- Relationship dry spells
- “being valued as a human being makes a huge difference in whether you feel turned on”
- Talk about being awkward.
- Talk about gangbangs
- And a gangbang with no penetration!
Jessica from Toronto
[00:00:00] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:00:00] Welcome to extraordinary, the podcast where plus size and fat people come to learn about making extraordinary choices and meeting extraordinary people. I’m your host, Briana Cavanaugh. Today we’re doing a guest interview on guest interviews days. We get to learn from and about folks doing fat positive or fat positive.
[00:00:22] Adjacent work. As a reminder, we don’t bleep out cuss words or swear words and we don’t edit for explicit material. So this is your warning that this interview may and hopefully will contain adult material and
[00:00:34] Jessica : [00:00:34] listener discretion is advised.
[00:00:37] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:00:37] Oh, today we get to talk to
[00:00:39] Jessica : [00:00:39] Jessica. Hello.
[00:00:41] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:00:41] Jessica is awesome, and we’ll dive into this.
[00:00:44] But, uh, Jessica is, wouldn’t say Canadian and does
[00:00:48] Jessica : [00:00:48] burlesque.
[00:00:51] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:00:51] Sorry. We met at that sex cation and we actually recorded a whole episode of this execution that, like, my. [00:01:00] Technology didn’t work. And so this is
[00:01:01] Jessica : [00:01:01] for like an hour and caught all eight seconds of beginning recorded.
[00:01:04] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:01:04] I know. It was so good. The episode was so good.
[00:01:06] So this is our do over. We’re going to pretend that we are on our sex cation and, um, basically talks education. Stuff after we do our vital stats and our, how did you find your identity? So welcome Jessica.
[00:01:21] Thank you for being so patient with me.
[00:01:23] Jessica : [00:01:23] Thanks for having me. Thanks for being had.
[00:01:29] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:01:29] Okay, so let’s get the vital stats.
[00:01:32] Jessica : [00:01:32] Okay.
[00:01:33] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:01:33] So what age are you?
[00:01:36] Jessica : [00:01:36] I’m currently 42 years old.
[00:01:40] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:01:40] Okay, so age. And what race
[00:01:42] Jessica : [00:01:42] are you a Caucasian.
[00:01:44] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:01:44] And size,
[00:01:46] Jessica : [00:01:46] um, in a top a threeX or like a 22, same in the bottom. I get to wear a three. Legging. Adored. I wear a lot of leggings from Dora.
[00:01:55] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:01:55] Yeah. Ladies went harder off.
[00:01:57] Jessica : [00:01:57] They’re so nice. And they don’t get fin on [00:02:00] your butt when you bend over.
[00:02:01] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:02:01] Yes. Yeah. The thin yoga, but leggings. Yeah.
[00:02:05] Jessica : [00:02:05] No. .
[00:02:07] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:02:07] What’s your, what’s your relationship status?
[00:02:10] Jessica : [00:02:10] Um, I’m currently married and we’re polyamorous, but I’m not seeing anybody else currently. Seriously, I guess I have some friends with benefits and I’d be like, Hey, what’s up?
[00:02:23] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:02:23] So seeing people nod seriously.
[00:02:26] Jessica : [00:02:26] Potentially, yes, it’s in flux.
[00:02:28] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:02:28] It’s in flux. I F I feel like there’s something about sometimes about open poly relationships are, they’re
[00:02:33] Jessica : [00:02:33] often in a little
[00:02:34] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:02:34] bit of flux.
[00:02:36] Jessica : [00:02:36] and it’s, you know, I haven’t heard one song, I’m in a couple of weeks, but it’s been the holidays and things got busy and I’ve been sick and you know.
[00:02:45] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:02:45] Yeah. Yeah. Totally.
[00:02:47] Jessica : [00:02:47] So, and the mind is willing, the body is weak.
[00:02:53] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:02:53] Yes, exactly. Yeah. Okay. So, and your sexuality,
[00:02:59] Jessica : [00:02:59] um,
[00:03:00] [00:02:59] I’ve recently come into, uh, exploring bisexuality more than just being considered straight. Um. Some different folks around town helped me kind of piece together that you don’t have to want to date people necessarily to be down to have fun with people. So, um, that was something that I didn’t realize was a thing that like, you could just be interested in people sexually and not necessarily romantically and still be bisexual.
[00:03:27] So, um, that’s new and exciting. And. A little terrifying. Yeah.
[00:03:33] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:03:33] Oh, that sounds great. Yeah. I’m excited that you’re getting to explore that.
[00:03:36] Jessica : [00:03:36] Yeah. The vacations make it easier.
[00:03:40] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:03:40] Yeah.
[00:03:41] Jessica : [00:03:41] Right. Yeah.
[00:03:43] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:03:43] So good. Okay. And we talked about you being Canadian. Do you want to say anything else about where you live?
[00:03:50] Jessica : [00:03:50] I’m live close to Toronto, which is nice because they have a number of, um, on premise.
[00:03:55] Play clubs where you can play with other people. Clubs are so great. [00:04:00] Yeah. And it’s, it’s nice to not have to host all the time.
[00:04:03] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:04:03] Yes. Um, and then my other question is, do you have any other marginalized identities? This would include things like disability, or
[00:04:13] Jessica : [00:04:13] I have some mental health issues like depression and anxiety that I take medications for and try to.
[00:04:21] Manage. Ask me about my day yesterday was complete back hole. It was just the bed.
[00:04:28] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:04:28] Yeah.
[00:04:28] Some days are like that for sure.
[00:04:29] Jessica : [00:04:29] Yeah.
[00:04:29] Some days are better than others.
[00:04:31] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:04:31] That’s right. And sometimes I just like to pretend that today is better than other days.
[00:04:36] Jessica : [00:04:36] Yeah. Well, I got all the host space, so that was a good one.
[00:04:39] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:04:39] Yeah, so you know, it feels, so having this conversation with you now, it feels so different than when we’re at desire. I’m like, it’s so cold where I live, it’s so cold and I’m wearing a jacket and
[00:04:50] Jessica : [00:04:50] wearing a tank top in my house, but there’s snow outside. And so I’m thankful that I’m indoors
[00:04:55] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:04:55] and there’s no chance that someone’s going to show up and bring us chocolate or.
[00:05:00] [00:05:00] Booze, or it’s just a little bit of a bummer.
[00:05:03] Jessica : [00:05:03] It is. I
[00:05:04] mean, I have chocolate downstairs and some really nice ones, but they’re kind of stairs
[00:05:10] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:05:10] so
[00:05:10] Jessica : [00:05:10] far. It’s not that they couldn’t do it, I just, yeah. The microphone and that your phones don’t go that far
[00:05:18] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:05:18] and
[00:05:18] the ocean feels very far away.
[00:05:20] Jessica : [00:05:20] Oh my God, does it ever.
[00:05:21] Although I do like that when I go to sleep, I can tell my Amazon thing to play ocean sounds and it’ll do it for 20 minutes while I fall asleep.
[00:05:30] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:05:30] So it’s like being in Cancun, but
[00:05:33] Jessica : [00:05:33] yeah, but you’re under pillows and comforter and I mean, it’s, it’s like Cancun in that you’re naked, but it’s not nice. It’s nothing as
[00:05:42] nice as Cancun.
[00:05:48] had a really big drop. But coming back, I wasn’t expecting it to be that dark a hole. I was like, wow. It was really great. Really great, really great.
[00:05:59] And then [00:06:00] it was not,
[00:06:02] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:06:02] say more about that. I think this is, um, so this will be the third one. I’m posting, or maybe the fourth one of these episodes. So this is a good time to talk about like what happens after the vacation.
[00:06:14] Not to scare people away, but like, you know, I think it’s a thing that also happens for events and stuff. So what happened after?
[00:06:21] Jessica : [00:06:21] Well, it’s part of it is, is that I’m not okay. And so I went from a week of being around awesome people, like 24 seven and then Monday morning rolled around and. Husband got up to go to work and I was by myself.
[00:06:36] I was like, we’re here for the go
[00:06:39] . I don’t want to be by myself, but I didn’t have anywhere to go or anything planned or to do so. I should have had some things in the works, like a lunch with friends or just something, go see a matinee by myself. Just some take the edge off but didn’t. And I was like, I have a sad and I [00:07:00] missed everybody today.
[00:07:04] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:07:04] Yeah.
[00:07:05] Jessica : [00:07:05] Yeah.
[00:07:07] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:07:07] It is a thing that happens. We are, we are wired to be together in community. It’s a thing.
[00:07:15] Jessica : [00:07:15] And it’s not to say that I don’t have, you know, I’m active in a faith community here and I’m active in the local poly community. So it’s not that I don’t have communities or friends, but you know, you always think you come back from vacation and you’re just relaxed and it’s a nice ease back into whatever.
[00:07:32] But I didn’t have a whatever to ease back into. So that probably was part of the problem this year. Yeah. I mean fingers crossed for next year. That won’t be the case.
[00:07:40] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:07:40] Yeah. It’s like it’s a good learning cause you can set stuff up for next year.
[00:07:45] Jessica : [00:07:45] I’ve been thinking a lot about community.
[00:07:46] Well, I by this time next year too.
[00:07:49] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:07:49] yes. And that makes a big difference, being able to go to a place where there are humans.
[00:07:54] Jessica : [00:07:54] Yeah.
[00:07:54] Even if you have a bunch of crappy stuff, you have to get back, clear out your inbox from being away for a week. It’s [00:08:00] still out and about and feeling like you’re doing something instead of just not doing it much of anything.
[00:08:06] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:08:06] Yeah. Okay. So let’s talk about how did you find your fat identity? I’m just going to shift away. Like, I’m like, Oh, it’s getting, I’m getting sad. I’m missing people. I’m having
[00:08:16] Jessica : [00:08:16] feelings, all the feels.
[00:08:18] So I did a lot of, um, reading of what was kind of called them, the Fattoshpre when number of different fat, positive blogs.
[00:08:26] Um, you had Kate heart and he had Maryanne Kirby. Um. Shakespeare Hill. So Shakespeare, sister, Melissa McEwen, um, lot of great voices, um, that just screwed dieting. Sprue inner beauty, you know. It’s okay to be fat. There was, um, fashionistas where it was like the fat fashion. He says they were posted that I would look at and just, okay, there’s people that look different from me, but who are still rocking a cool outfit.
[00:08:58] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:08:58] And how did that, um, [00:09:00] how did that change.
[00:09:03] Jessica : [00:09:03] I think a lot of it had to do with us actually going to a clothing optional resort. Um, because we first went,
[00:09:14] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:09:14] Oh,
[00:09:15] Jessica : [00:09:15] partner was still at company X, so that would be at least five plus years ago. Um, you think I would know when I first went, but I don’t. Um, but we went to.
[00:09:29] The Desire Resort that doesn’t exist anymore. The one on the West coast was in Los Cabos and we kind of said, Hey, you know, we’re going to go on this trip when it’s clothing optional and we’re just going to do whatever the entertainment staff suggests, we’re just in. That’s what we’re going to do with this vacation.
[00:09:49] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:09:49] That’s wild.
[00:09:52] Jessica : [00:09:52] It was especially wild. Had a desire resort where you might have to say, run around the pool and kiss as many cops as you can in a minute. Right? [00:10:00] As part of a game that you’re playing win you know what a beer from the bar. What? Like just those fun like, Oh, we’re going to play this game. We’re gonna play that game.
[00:10:11] Let’s do a, um, like a, an orgasm contest and then you have to like chug a beer through a penis straw. Like, just funny bachelorette, kind of games too. So
[00:10:23] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:10:23] yeah. Games like the, how many sex positions can you get in and
[00:10:27] Jessica : [00:10:27] like two minutes. Yes. Mimic those. And that was actually part of, so at the evening entertainment they would sometimes do.
[00:10:35] Couple participation in games and what they did, like the newlywed games, you answered the questions and the other path isn’t the other room writing down the answers to the questions and see how many match, how many sex positions you can do in minute. Um, and then at the end it was swap clothing with one another.
[00:10:56] So, I mean, you’ve met my partner, my stuff’s gonna fit him, but his [00:11:00] stuff did not fit me. I took his pants and, and. Mmm. Tied the two legs of them as a belt around me and it just stood there. I was like, I’m wearing his dance.
[00:11:12] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:11:12] Yeah. I was thinking I could wear Jacques pants as a hat.
[00:11:15] Jessica : [00:11:15] Yeah. I was just like, like that from the Cantina burn and star Wars with the two legged.
[00:11:22] Exactly. Centrical
[00:11:24] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:11:24] head cause shock is so thin. Right, right. Yeah. That’s not a real thing. I put his shirt on one arm and put his pants over my head and I’m like,
[00:11:32] Jessica : [00:11:32] yeah, they’re,
[00:11:33] Oh no, I’m dressed.
[00:11:34] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:11:34] Yay.
[00:11:34] Oh my gosh. That sounds like fun.
[00:11:36] That sounds like that was,
[00:11:37] Jessica : [00:11:37] yeah, it was super fun. People. There was, um, a couple from.
[00:11:42] Alberta that we’re just like, yeah, we’ve got these shots, we’ve got that, we’ve got blah, blah, blah. And by the end of the week, felt very comfortable, you know, just being ourselves. And so then when, when we went. That location unfortunately closed. Um, Oh, [00:12:00] they built like a 500 plus room vanilla resort next door.
[00:12:03] So it was on short time and you couldn’t be naked on the beach on that side. You can only be topless. So another strike against it.
[00:12:14] I know. Sum up being naked in the ocean. That’s just awesome. And just being naked in general. So we had traveled a lot, going to kind of regular resorts and never met near as many people as we did, even that have regular weekend desire.
[00:12:31] Um, because it’s awkward if you’re all just naked and not talking to each other. She talked to each other, whereas at a regular resort, you’re all just. Not talking cause you have as long as it’s on.
[00:12:42] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:12:42] Yeah. I feel like it regular like vanilla resorts, like people kind of stick to themselves.
[00:12:50] Jessica : [00:12:50] The best success we had meeting other people was, um.
[00:12:53] One year, my husband wore a CDC hat and they were like, shots. I’m [00:13:00] at the bar. Okay, let’s go do some shots with the other Canadians.
[00:13:06] And of course he doesn’t drink, so I’m just doing his shots. Do. And yeah, but it was, it was honestly, we were looking for a resort, it’s just,
[00:13:16] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:13:16] cause we had
[00:13:16] Jessica : [00:13:16] traveled. And there were kids, and that’s fine, but we just thought, okay, now we’re going to do one that’s just 18 plus. And then he sees the listing and sees a description where it says play room off the disco.
[00:13:28] And he’s like, Oh, close the browser. I’m at the office. Holy crap. Like I know what that means. Can you believe that this thing exists? And I said, yeah, we should totally look into it.
[00:13:39] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:13:39] And where you in there. Where are you already? Um, going to clubs locally where you already
[00:13:44] Jessica : [00:13:44] kind of, in the past when
[00:13:45] we had been kind of exploring, um, exhibitionism, voyeurism hadn’t really made any connection physically with another couple at all at that point.
[00:13:54] But it was definitely something that we were interested in and had gone and checked out a couple of the clubs to see what they [00:14:00] were like. Yeah.
[00:14:01] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:14:01] So it was like a, uh, next, next step,
[00:14:04] Jessica : [00:14:04] next step.
[00:14:05] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:14:05] So that’s it for me. That’s a point of like, people at desire that, you know, at least when we’ve been there have been, they’re just very friendly.
[00:14:13] Jessica : [00:14:13] You know,
[00:14:13] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:14:13] people want to get to know each other.
[00:14:15] Jessica : [00:14:15] And we met like, just naturalists, that first trip that don’t play with other people. Um, we met people who. Do you play with other people? People who wanted to play with other people and wanting to play with the staff and you’re the big, don’t be doing that.
[00:14:32] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:14:32] Yeah.
[00:14:32] Don’t play it. The staff
[00:14:33] Jessica : [00:14:33] don’t know.
[00:14:34] Staff are not on the menu. Yeah.
[00:14:36] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:14:36] No,
[00:14:38] Jessica : [00:14:38] not good for anyone. No. So
[00:14:42] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:14:42] what was the difference kind of in your life before, before finding your kind of fat, positive identity, and then after.
[00:14:51] Jessica : [00:14:51] Oh, the money I spent at weight Watchers. Oh my gosh. And at the time, the energy and the points counting.
[00:14:59] Uh, [00:15:00] so, um, yeah. Before kind of coming into my own about being fat and just being okay, that’s how it is. Spent a lot of time in dieting, a lot of time fighting against yourself, thinking, Oh. If only I looked, blah, blah, blah, then X, Y, Z would happen. And I don’t even really remember what those aspirations were.
[00:15:22] Um, especially now since like I, tomorrow and I’m back to my. After having Christmas break off. So that’ll be fun. And looking forward to working towards some of those poses that are, my gosh, try to go upside down on a pool. It’s a lot of upper body strength.
[00:15:42] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:15:42] So are you doing pole dancing?
[00:15:44] Jessica : [00:15:44] Yeah, I do pull the dancing.
[00:15:46] Oh no, that I had started. I’ve been doing pole dancing for a lot longer than I’ve been doing burlesque. But partly because in the studio where I practice, you start off in your [00:16:00] like introductory course and then in the beginner courses where you start learning in versions, which is where you’re able to go upside down the pool and you can’t really go on to intermediate until you can invert unassisted, and I’m still like, yeah, I can’t do it yet. I realize I’m making these motions, but it’s not like it’s a video chat. I mean, it is, but we’re not putting the video with the audio over
[00:16:24] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:16:24] Not this time.
[00:16:25] Jessica : [00:16:25] So. So yeah, so that’s. That’s been an interesting journey. There’s been times where I really wish I didn’t look at the other classmates and kind of see them going like so quickly, so fast beyond what I can do.
[00:16:38] That’s kind of a bummer to watch. I mean, it’s great for them, but then someone put it on the chalkboard. It’s like the only dancer you should be comparing yourself to as you last week. And I’m like, well, that’s right. Yeah. Bill doesn’t change the fact that it’s things sometimes.
[00:16:55] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:16:55] Yeah. And
[00:16:56] Jessica : [00:16:56] compares that there’s not a, yeah, [00:17:00] comparison is totally the thief of joy.
[00:17:01] Yes. But sometimes do, it’s just, you know, if you beat yourself up, like I still can’t do one of the basic moves, I can teach you an introduction, which again is just holding onto the pole and then take your feet off the floor. It’s just the upper body strength and keep yourself in that spot. I just, I don’t have it yet.
[00:17:22] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:17:22] It’s all, it takes a lot of upper body strength.
[00:17:24] Jessica : [00:17:24] It’s a lot of upper body strength, and I don’t see anybody else and there lifting two 90 so, you know. Yeah. Yeah. So
[00:17:32] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:17:32] I mean,
[00:17:32] it seems like it’s just one of the, one of the challenges of the trade.
[00:17:36] Jessica : [00:17:36] It is. And you know, some days are much better than others, and I’ll come out of there feeling like, Oh, I totally
[00:17:40] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:17:40] kicked ass.
[00:17:41] So are there other, um, that people who are doing Pole dancing with you.
[00:17:47] Jessica : [00:17:47] Sometimes I don’t know if there’s going to be anybody in this class. Um, it actually started last Wednesday, but I had a fever and I was not going anywhere. So, um, my instructors [00:18:00] maybe a large this time around . So there are different body types within some of the instructors, but nobody that I would consider to be like a fat person.
[00:18:11] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:18:11] Yeah.
[00:18:12] Jessica : [00:18:12] And another fat pull dancers out there. I look at their stuff on Instagram
[00:18:16] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:18:16] for sure.
[00:18:16] Yeah. It’s very inspiring. So, um, are they, are your instructor, I mean it sounds like your structures, instructors are straight size like they are,
[00:18:26] You know, thin people. Are they generally
[00:18:28] Jessica : [00:18:28] supportive. Yeah. The studio is actually really cool, and the office manager is bigger than me.
[00:18:37] So the fact that they have staff that they’re not in an instructor capacity, but they’re there and they do all the photography, excuse me, for the poll and for, you know. The burlesque shows, so
[00:18:52] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:18:52] I love her, so that’s great. So there are other fat people there, even if there’s not always other fat dancers.
[00:19:00] [00:18:59] Jessica : [00:18:59] Exactly. And even in the burlesque troop, the instructor for that, she’s. Not plus size, but she made sure that the plus girls were up front and center. They weren’t like pushed to the back. So I mean there have been times where I’ve been in the back for the routines, but that’s because of the height, not because of the weight line is up by height and then kind of staggered.
[00:19:21] So the shortest people are in the front and then as you get taller, you’re more towards the back. Yeah.
[00:19:26] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:19:26] Yeah.
[00:19:27] So I also, I spent a lot of time being a, a dancer, like. A competitive
[00:19:31] Jessica : [00:19:31] dancer.
[00:19:33] Oh, I didn’t know that.
[00:19:34] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:19:34] Yeah. I did competitive Irish step dancing for 10 years.
[00:19:37] Jessica : [00:19:37] Dang.
[00:19:38] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:19:38] Yeah. It’s been a minute since I did that, but, um, it’s
[00:19:40] Jessica : [00:19:40] a leg workout.
[00:19:42] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:19:42] It is. It’s intense. Yeah. And I was, I have the medals and trophies to show for that, um, in my youth. Um, and, and I, you know, I wasn’t thin when I did that. I think at that point I was like, size 16, 18, but. Also, I didn’t really [00:20:00] think of myself as
[00:20:00] Jessica : [00:20:00] fat. You know what? There was
[00:20:02] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:20:02] definitely like my parents thought of me as fat and like.
[00:20:08] Oh, there’s like, even though I wasn’t, I wasn’t really worried about it cause I was, you know, I was swimming four hours a day and dancing three or four hours a week. Like I, it wasn’t, it was not on my mind, except when my parents would say something
[00:20:20] Jessica : [00:20:20] and
[00:20:20] so much like, Oh, you know, Oh, you’re fat. Yeah. So what?
[00:20:23] I’m doing all this workout and your blood pressure was probably fine and it
[00:20:28] still is.
[00:20:29] So what,
[00:20:30] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:20:30] you know?
[00:20:31] Yeah. So, you know, it’s like how I kind of, you know, it’s like. I guess the question is, is more about like, you know, how, how is it for you there? There’s like, and by that I mean like, I know for me there’s this, like I love dancing, I love moving my body.
[00:20:45] Like I love this stuff and it feels kind of like a, like a mixed bag where on the one hand it’s like, I love doing this and I love dancing with people. And then there’s also. Like there’s stigma from different places and sometimes unexpected places and [00:21:00] sometimes expected places and like, yeah. How is all of that for you?
[00:21:03] Jessica : [00:21:03] It’s, it’s definitely a mixed bag. Like, so I’ve been thinking about, one of the, one of the books that I’ve been reading on for self help is asking about what things that you really enjoyed when you were five or when you were in grade four. And I’m like, Oh, my memory for those times is not great. But I do know that I danced when I was.
[00:21:23] In kindergarten and I have pictures of me and my non ballerina type body. And I know that that dancing was sort of live because somebody was going to tell somebody that I didn’t have the right body for it. And so that was the Anthem that, um, which is really a shame because I’ve five years old, I guess not going to try out for the national ballet here.
[00:21:44] Not at five.
[00:21:44] Maybe it’s five,
[00:21:45] maybe it’s six.
[00:21:47] Um, my. Parents have always been focused on the weight. Yeah. My mom especially, I think she’s got like some kind of undiagnosed [00:22:00] eating disorder. She doesn’t really do carbs ever anymore, which is unfortunate because carbs can be delicious.
[00:22:05] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:22:05] Carbs are delicious.
[00:22:07] Yeah. Straight up carbs are delicious.
[00:22:08] Jessica : [00:22:08] Yeah. I am also,
[00:22:10] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:22:10] yeah.
[00:22:11] My mom also dieted my whole life, like until basically she could no longer feed herself. It was, um, it’s really intense. Yeah. And it says something we haven’t actually talked about on the, on the show yet, but it’s, it’s very intense to like grow up in a household where like.
[00:22:27] You know, your parent is, or parents are constantly watching their food or your food and
[00:22:34] Jessica : [00:22:34] well, and trying to find clothes as a teenager and just having that shame from your mother that she has to take you to the fat people stores and you know, can’t get you a broad regular size torn, blah, blah, blah.
[00:22:48] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:22:48] Oh yeah, it’s heavy.
[00:22:51] It’s really just, the whole thing is like, it’s very heavy and it’s
[00:22:54] Jessica : [00:22:54] slow.
[00:22:55] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:22:55] Yeah. Yeah. Weight stigma. Okay, so let’s talk about [00:23:00] becoming sex positive and how you became sex positive.
[00:23:04] Jessica : [00:23:04] So I think part of it was after a period of really, really low libido, um, where I was not interested in sex with anybody, and then it kind of turned around and all of a sudden it was like, Whoa, I’m a sexual person.
[00:23:18] Like, and I’d like to have sex with people more than just person I’m married to. Okay.
[00:23:27] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:23:27] So you were already married.
[00:23:28] Jessica : [00:23:28] Yes. Yeah. Okay.
[00:23:29] Yeah. When this conversation happened, um, and it was something, um, we took a sexuality course at my church, um, and that was really focused a lot on communication and in your relationships and why.
[00:23:44] And what you value about sexuality, and I’m actually looking forward to getting trained on how to give that course that’s happening in February. So that’s exciting.
[00:23:55] Yeah, at least I’ve signed up for it. I haven’t gotten approval yet that my [00:24:00] congregation is going to pay for it, but that’s what I’m hoping for.
[00:24:05] Um, and so it was from conversations with that, it was kind of to say, you know. This is what I would like. And it’s that sense of novelty. And, and. Um, have you watched that sex explained on Netflix?
[00:24:20] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:24:20] I have now watched two episodes of it. I love it.
[00:24:22] Jessica : [00:24:22] It’s so good.
[00:24:23] I could listen to a Janelle Monae a just talk forever.
[00:24:26] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:24:26] Oh my gosh.
[00:24:26] Jessica : [00:24:26] Yes.
[00:24:28] And so that whole idea of, of fantasy and just having that novelty be part of the fantasy. And I’m like, yeah, no, that’s for real a thing. Because sometimes you just feel like you know your way around your other partner’s body so much. And then you have something with someone else and you come back and you’re like, it’s like discovering your partner or brand new all over again, which is great.
[00:24:53] I think it was kind of all tied up in all of that. The exploration for, um. [00:25:00] Exhibition of voyeurism then kind of dipping our toes in just being swingers and then from a swinger is shifting pretty quickly to polyamory because it turns out we weren’t necessarily down just to bang people we didn’t care.
[00:25:16] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:25:16] And was that transition, was it easy?
[00:25:19] Jessica : [00:25:19] I mean, it took. I want to say yes, but only because we’ve talked about it for like seven years before we actually physically did anything with somebody else.
[00:25:29] It’s a long time.
[00:25:30] It’s a really long time. Like, you know, we, we’ve went on a, and we were going to desire a During this time, which is not connecting that way with anybody in particular. Um, and then we met a couple, not inclusive, uh, one town over from us, and that was like, Oh, we’ll just jump in the deep end. That was the fit. You know, we’re off to the races,
[00:25:56] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:25:56] so to speak,
[00:25:57] Jessica : [00:25:57] so to speak. Yes, thank you. We were like, Oh, blah, [00:26:00] blah.
[00:26:00] You know, soft swap. Yeah. Two days later. Now we’re just. Going forward.
[00:26:06] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:26:06] Nice.
[00:26:06] Jessica : [00:26:06] Yeah.
[00:26:08] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:26:08] S
[00:26:08] o there, I feel like there are all kinds of different ways to come to sex positivity. And what I’m hearing you talk about is like you guys talked about it for a long time before you were ready to jump in and do anything with either like, you know, with anybody else.
[00:26:22] Jessica : [00:26:22] Yeah. And it was a lot of that time was spent to kind of repairing our own relationships actually, because we had a dry spell. Probably I want to say of like two years where we didn’t have sex, like, and
[00:26:35] that’s a long time.
[00:26:36] It’s a long time. Um, part of it was the job I was working in, it was pretty misogynistic, homophobic, transphobic, you name it.
[00:26:46] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:26:46] I’m sorry.
[00:26:47] Jessica : [00:26:47] I
[00:26:48] know it was, it was one of those ones where I’d never really thought about how much that environment can play havoc with your libido until I wasn’t there anymore. And when I wasn’t there, it was like. [00:27:00] Ooh, the heavens parted in the light shown down. Yeah. It was rabbiting again, you know,
[00:27:06] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:27:06] being valued as a human being makes a huge difference in whether you feel turned
[00:27:09] Jessica : [00:27:09] on.
[00:27:11] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:27:11] So, um, what about, tell me sexy stories from desire? Like what things have you gotten up to that you really enjoyed?
[00:27:19] Jessica : [00:27:19] Oh, so many fun things. So even, even just like, um. That first blowjob in front of other people. I’m like, Ooh, that was a big deal this past trip. You know, it was so easy just to reconnect with the people we had played with previously, and our friend dr E stim at an insertable.
[00:27:42] It was wild. Um, and that, that, that. Got to come out as part of like a show and tell during a 7person already and I’m just like, yay. Amazing
[00:27:55] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:27:55] Score.
[00:27:56] Jessica : [00:27:56] Yeah. And that was like night two and you’re just like, damn it. I’m like gonna [00:28:00] top that for the rest of the week. This is not that kind of competition thing for me.
[00:28:06] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:28:06] No.
[00:28:06] But sometimes it is
[00:28:07] Jessica : [00:28:07] and sometimes it can be.
[00:28:09] Yeah. He’s like, it’s the last dance. Everybody last dance.
[00:28:14] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:28:14] Let’s dance it up.
[00:28:16] Jessica : [00:28:16] Last call here.
[00:28:18] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:28:18] Yeah. I mean, I, yeah. I, I feel like it’s like we’re only there for a week, right?
[00:28:26] On the one hand it’s like, okay, take it slow, get enough sleep, and on the other hand is like, yes.
[00:28:31] Jessica : [00:28:31] Oh, things consume all the liquors and all the desserts.
[00:28:37] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:28:37] Yeah. Oh,
[00:28:38] I’m sad about the desserts this year, but previous years the desserts have been so
[00:28:41] Jessica : [00:28:41] good.
[00:28:42] Youdidn’t like the desserts?
[00:28:45] Oh, that chocolate cake we got for room service was just mad.
[00:28:47] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:28:47] Yeah. There’s a lot there. Yeah.
[00:28:49] There was multiple desserts that I was like, Oh man,
[00:28:53] Jessica : [00:28:53] Matt.
[00:28:54] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:28:54] They weren;t terrible. It wasn’t like they were. Made of dirt or anything, but like, yeah, but in the [00:29:00] year before they had all these like, yeah. Delicious chocolates and things
[00:29:04] Jessica : [00:29:04] that, yeah, I wonder if they change like some of the people in the chef chef.
[00:29:08] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:29:08] Yeah. Yeah. But that means that I have high hopes for next year.
[00:29:13] They will be more broken in. You know, cause a year of a new team, um, can make a huge difference. I know
[00:29:21] Jessica : [00:29:21] having
[00:29:22] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:29:22] running a team myself,
[00:29:24] Jessica : [00:29:24] I know you too.
[00:29:25] Um, you already put your check Mark. Yes. We’re going for 2020.
[00:29:30] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:29:30] Oh yes. Cool.
[00:29:31] Are you going
[00:29:32] Jessica : [00:29:32] well.
[00:29:34] Yes, but not until I get a job.
[00:29:37] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:29:37] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:29:38] Jessica : [00:29:38] Money. It’s the money concern.
[00:29:40] So we’re not yet in the desire 2020 channel on the chat.
[00:29:45] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:29:45] Yeah. I was wondering, was like, don’t you, can’t you see us in there? I just assumed that you were already like, I know
[00:29:50] Jessica : [00:29:50] we have not signed up yet, so we are definitely on our to do list. But, uh, first on the to do list is to get a job.
[00:29:57] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:29:57] Getting a job is important.
[00:29:58] Yeah. Jacques is very, [00:30:00] um. He’s very into it, like he’s surprisingly into it and it the first, so when we went the first year, I wasn’t sure what, I had no idea what was going to happen. I had never been on a thing like this and in Jacques we hadn’t played with other people and I was like, okay, how is this even going to go about approximately one day into our trip, he’s like, next year when we come.
[00:30:25] Jessica : [00:30:25] When we’re here for this thing next year. Yeah.
[00:30:27] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:30:27] And I was like, Oh, you like it. So that’s, so this year, he finally, before we, I think maybe even before we left or something, he was like, yeah, you know, sign this all up.
[00:30:37] Jessica : [00:30:37] So
[00:30:39] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:30:39] I feel really grateful that it’s something that we can do. Like it’s definitely one of the things that we’ve talked about on other ones of these is like it takes a lot of financial privilege to go on a, a sex vacation for a week.
[00:30:53] Jessica : [00:30:53] Right. And where, you know, child-free by choice. So we have [00:31:00] usually in thaton locked down. I mean, this was our, I want to say seventh or eighth trip to desire second with the swing set careers. So yeah, it’s the only place we really go on a vacation vacation. We don’t really travel a lot elsewhere. We like to go to desire and chill out for a week and have fun and just.
[00:31:20] It’s the best vacation.
[00:31:21] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:31:21] It’s a great vacation.
[00:31:23] It’s a really great vacation.
[00:31:24] Jessica : [00:31:24] The nice thing too, I mean, like I said, at Desire, you’re going to be talking with other people because you’re naked and it’s weird if you’re not talking, but with the swing set crew, it’s just like, it’s not just making small talk.
[00:31:35] You’re going to dive deep real quick, and there’s not necessarily going to be a lot of. Pretense. So you can make really deep connections really quickly, even if you aren’t sleeping with the person. So yeah,
[00:31:48] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:31:48] or even if you are or if
[00:31:50] Jessica : [00:31:50] you are. Yeah.
[00:31:51] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:31:51] Yeah. I feel like there is a. Powerful community, um, around, around [00:32:00] the S the swingset takes desire right around all of these people who come together every year, or even the folks like we even talk about folks who are not there every year.
[00:32:09] And there’s a lot of like, um, people I think are very held in our, in our hearts, you know, whether they are there or not there. And, um, yeah. And I feel like. You know, I’ve done other, I’ve done other camps and festivals like witchcamp and all kinds of things. And, and I feel like there are, there are a couple of communities that hold people kind of in between, in between events.
[00:32:35] And I feel like theswingset makes, it does a surprisingly good job. Um, it was surprisingly easy to keep in touch with people. Like you. Yeah, yeah. And even if you don’t talk like every day or once a week, like it feels like I can reach out to people, you know, who I’ve connected with on the trip. And we are
[00:32:52] Jessica : [00:32:52] like legitimately friends.
[00:32:53] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:32:53] Yes,
[00:32:54] no. And I can be like, Hey, I need to talk about a thing. And you or other people will be like, sure. And like we’re [00:33:00] legitimately friends now. Um, and I feel like the crossing over fromkind of festival time or that in between vacation time into real life is a thing that is challenging to do and I’m really like grateful, excited, like it’s really awesome that that is a thing that happens.
[00:33:17] Jessica : [00:33:17] Yeah. Yeah. It’s, it’s definitely an enrichment that you don’t think of when you think sex resort. You can get some friends out of it too, right?
[00:33:26] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:33:26] Yeah. I mean, I think there’s this whole conversation about like, I mean, I feel so sex, sex, positive spaces have become more and more mainstream, right? And early when I was engaging in sex, positive stuff long before Jacques, like I’ve been going to sex parties since I was 17 and, um.
[00:33:45] The, what I notice is that like 25 years ish ago, um, the community is much smaller, right? And so there’s a lot of like intimate connections and people know each other really well. And then as the communities grow, there’s less, there’s less [00:34:00] inherent alternative-ness, I think. And so there’s more like more kind of distance almost really.
[00:34:08] Like heartwarming for me to be like, Oh, this is a tight knit community of folks who care about each other. Um, and that in general, like you have a choice about whether you want to have sex with people and then be their friends, lovers, fuck buddies partners, or whether you just like, you want to have sex with them and then never see them again or see them again occasionally or whatever.
[00:34:28] Like I just love that there’s a lot of flexibility in
[00:34:30] Jessica : [00:34:30] where like
[00:34:30] same time next year, what up. Looking at you towards your Chicago couple. What a
[00:34:40] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:34:40] nice, so are there, are there particular, like you, so you said one thing about your, um, seven person orgy. Uh, the insertable Easton, like, that was awesome. Like, you could tell details about that or if there’s another thing, like, get juicy with me, tell me [00:35:00] everything.
[00:35:00] Jessica : [00:35:00] Well, I had, um, really actually nice compliment.
[00:35:03] Um, so one of the events that didn’t really happen due to weather was the all lady orgy.
[00:35:10] Yeah. So I wanna so hopefully next year we’ll set it up a little differently. So that’s maybe not so early in the week, cause the ladies sometimes need to. Have a little bit more time to get to know each other, figure out the lay of the land, so to speak, you know?
[00:35:24] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:35:24] Yeah. I feel like there’s a lot more, or at least this is the story I have in my head. It’s like a lot more needs we need romancing
[00:35:32] Jessica : [00:35:32] a little bit.
[00:35:34] Romancing or even just a little bit like, so you know, like I’d like to connect with you at that thing later. Okay. Yes. Like have those conversations, even if they’re literally that awkward.
[00:35:45] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:35:45] Oh, so awkward. I feel like this is like, yeah. There’s so much
[00:35:50] Jessica : [00:35:50] awkwardness.
[00:35:51] Yeah. Well, so it was always playing with, um, another lady and her friend was there playing with her too. And I don’t know her friend that I didn’t play with each other. [00:36:00] I almost got the sense that she was there for moral support.
[00:36:02] It’s like, okay, we’re all kind of nervous. This is really, but I got a nice compliment after she had a nice orgasm, so I was like,
[00:36:10] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:36:10] yeah, I guess
[00:36:10] when she say what she say.
[00:36:12] SHe was like,
[00:36:12] Jessica : [00:36:12] what do you mean you don’t know what you’re doing? I was like, what I’m doing? I don’t, I’m going to UN. You know, there’s the sales lady in me always under promise and over deliver.
[00:36:24] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:36:24] It sounds like you did.
[00:36:26] Jessica : [00:36:26] Yes. So that was nice because again, it was one of those situations where I was kind of doing my thing and I wasn’t entirely sure I was doing it right. And then all of a sudden she was coming and I’m like, okay, I was doing it right.
[00:36:42] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:36:42] Yeah. I also feel like, I mean, bodies are so different,
[00:36:46] Jessica : [00:36:46] but like
[00:36:47] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:36:47] we have such a wide variety of like, things that we like, or things that will work for us, or things that really won’t work for us.
[00:36:53] Jessica : [00:36:53] Yeah. And, and, and again, it’s that
[00:37:01] [00:37:00] Not connecting necessarily on a romantic level, but definitely being interested on a sexual level. And then how do you navigate that without sounding like a predator?
[00:37:10] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:37:10] Say more about
[00:37:11] Jessica : [00:37:11] that.
[00:37:12] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:37:12] Well,
[00:37:14] Jessica : [00:37:14] you were saying with like the romancing and stuff, I’m just kind of like, let’s just, I’m down to fuck. Like, let’s.
[00:37:21] Quell stone to fuck, let’s just do that.
[00:37:23] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:37:23] Yeah, I know. Like, I feel like that’s the thing that I really clearly know about you. Jessica goes down to, fuck. Y eah. I like, it’s a thing that I admire about you. Um, yeah. I feel like before Jacquek, I was a lot more like, let’s go. And now I often hold back a little cause I’m
[00:37:39] Jessica : [00:37:39] like,
[00:37:40] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:37:40] how’s it going?
[00:37:41] Jacuqqes K can I, is everything?
[00:37:43] Jessica : [00:37:43] Is everybody copacetic? Yes.
[00:37:45] Yeah. Yeah.
[00:37:46] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:37:46] It’s so different with a partner, rather than just being like, yeah, let’s go. Like, I’m ready. Let’s go. Like, yeah, I’m ready now. Yeah.
[00:37:52] Jessica : [00:37:52] Yeah. And that was the other thing. So the, the, the seven person origin, and this has been clarified with somebody in their folks [00:38:00] from the ladies only.
[00:38:02] So we were kind of hanging out and hanging out and hanging out. And I was kind of, case isn’t nothing happening. Nothing is happening. I don’t know how to kick this thing off. Um. So some folks left and then this stuff started happening and then, and they were like, Oh, we thought you guys were waiting for us to leave.
[00:38:18] And I was like, no, I was just didn’t know how to start. We wanted you to be there, but she didn’t know how to get things moving.
[00:38:24] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:38:24] No, we were just being awkward. Don’t po.
[00:38:26] Jessica : [00:38:26] Yeah. No, but they were already gone. So otherwise that might’ve been like an 11 person RG.
[00:38:32] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:38:32] Oh, next time.
[00:38:33] Jessica : [00:38:33] Maybe that’ll be fun. Yeah, yeah,
[00:38:38] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:38:38] yeah. I have personally made a commitment to do more things next year.
[00:38:42] Jessica : [00:38:42] Yeah. Yeah.
[00:38:44] One fingers crossed the. Body issues will not be
[00:38:50] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:38:50] there. Yeah. Yeah. Um, I haven’t talked about this on the podcast either, cause really I focus on other people, but the, I was in a lot of pain. [00:39:00] Um, and then I got some prednisone and I could suddenly walk again. I couldn’t walk for a few weeks before.
[00:39:05] And that was terrifying.
[00:39:07] Jessica : [00:39:07] Yeah.
[00:39:08] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:39:08] Um, and then after a few days on prednisone, I could again, and, um, it’s gotten better and better since then. So I’m like back working out at the Y three or four days a week and
[00:39:20] Jessica : [00:39:20] so good. Extending the,
[00:39:22] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:39:22] like Jack and I are going on walks again, which I love going on walks with Jacques.
[00:39:27] Jessica : [00:39:27] Um.
[00:39:29] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:39:29] It’s surprisingly, it’s a surprisingly good environment for like, just having connected talks.
[00:39:35] And so we’ve been doing more and doing a little bit more around the neighborhood and, um, yes, yes. Last year, definitely the,
[00:39:44] the mind was willing, but the flesh was weak.
[00:39:47] And, um, this year I’m. I actually was talking to one of our, one of our mutual acquaintances, mutual friends, uh, who has decided that she is committed to helping me get more, [00:40:00] um, and our upcoming,
[00:40:04] Jessica : [00:40:04] like, it’s going to be the Dick concierge.
[00:40:07] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:40:07] Yeah. She was like, you last year just didn’t get enough. Like, she’s like, we’re gonna make this happen.
[00:40:14] Jessica : [00:40:14] Oh, excellent. Well, and that’s the kind of thing too. I mean, you can be. You can be that person who can help other people make their fantasies come true, and that’s friggin hot too. Even if there’s nothing going on specifically with you seeing somebody else.
[00:40:29] Like I know my partner during that seven-way, someone in that room had never had an M M F and so he helped make that happen. I was like,
[00:40:43] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:40:43] I mean sometimes all it takes is somebody else to be like, do you want that? Right. And yeah, cause everybody’s like looking around at each other being like, I don’t know what to do.
[00:40:53] This is awkward. Do you like me? Do I like at least Kevin? Well what do we, and then someone was like, why don’t you go for it? And then nervous [00:41:00] like,
[00:41:00] Jessica : [00:41:00] okay, especially cause you’re already nakeet. And he was like, I was literally like laying on someone kind of like. I’m either going to fall asleep or we’re going to fuck and I don’t know which way it’s going to go.
[00:41:12] I sure hope it’s the latter cause I’m, yeah, I’m tired, but I could go, you know?
[00:41:17] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:41:17] Yeah. Low barrier to entry as they say. Yeah, very many euphemisms,
[00:41:22] but I love the, the
[00:41:24] like late naked, low barrier to entry. Anyway, that just cracks me up. Also, you get to watch. Really amazing scenes as well.
[00:41:37] Jessica : [00:41:37] Oh, yeah. There were so many gang bangs this year.
[00:41:39] It was great.
[00:41:41] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:41:41] Yeah. I didn’t get to spend much time up at the hot tub. Tell me,
[00:41:44] tell me.
[00:41:44] Jessica : [00:41:44] Okay. Okay. So the main player in all the gang bangs was this electrically green clipboard that someone brought. That was, you suppose the rules about what H gang bang.
[00:41:57] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:41:57] And I forget who the heck I borrowed it from.
[00:41:59] I [00:42:00] forget her name.
[00:42:00] Jessica : [00:42:00] I can remember the name of the fellow that she was there with. I don’t want to name names, but like the clipboard, she was like, she was kind of embarrassed that it was so popular. She’s like, cause it’s got my daughter’s name like engraved.
[00:42:16] But there was, there was, um, there was a gang bang where there was a guy as the center and he just wanted a bunch of women to swarm them. And so he got to have that happen. And then there were two gang bangs happening kind of on beds next we each other. And the one lady, her theme was kind of like, she’s just insatiable.
[00:42:36] She just wants all the cock. And she went for like a really long time. Like we got up to the thing late and she was still going and then still went for like another hour after we got there kind of thing. Like I was like, I’m in the hot tub and I just look over and I’m like, she’s still going. Damn. She like a marathoner, man, that’s a lot [00:43:00] of ieck.
[00:43:01] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:43:01] year we were there, there was a girl who had a tee shirt that said, she’s like, I don’t really like the word gang bang, so I use this word. She has this tee shirt that says Cocks galore.
[00:43:11] Jessica : [00:43:11] Yay. Kutez. Cocks galore. Yes. Well, and I had a gang bang that had no penetration at all, so it was like a sensory deprivation situation.
[00:43:22] So I had blindfold on and earplugs in and accoutrements like a Wartenberg wheel and, um, soft things and hard things. And. Vibrators and this, those were my rules. And my husband was the coralline and that was concierge? Yes. Well, he was, there was a theme night where it was gang bangs and trains, and he actually bought like a conductor’s hat and he was like the host for the
[00:43:53] That is the tree. Okay.
[00:43:59] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:43:59] And is [00:44:00] this train him as we’re talking about,
[00:44:01] I was like, I can’t tell if this is a real train hat or like,
[00:44:04] Jessica : [00:44:04] no, we went to the Halloween store. Yeah. Like, you know, gray and white Stripe on your ticket, please. Yes. Conductor of this train, not a Maestro conductor.
[00:44:16] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:44:16] I bet he was great at that.
[00:44:17] Jessica : [00:44:17] Well, it rained, so nothing really happened. Yeah,
[00:44:20] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:44:20] Oh
[00:44:21] Jessica : [00:44:21] That was another one word. Like people took it upon themselves to make stuff happen when stuff could happen. So, um, and then those were the, those were the gang bangs that were up by the hot tub. I never, maybe we need
[00:44:32] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:44:32] to make it up to you next year.
[00:44:34] Jessica : [00:44:34] Yeah, maybe.
[00:44:36] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:44:36] I mean,
[00:44:36] you have to commit now, but
[00:44:41] Jessica : [00:44:41] more one of those things. Yeah. Yeah. No, I had a, I had a fantastic time. I had no, um, so I will, I will say that I consume some edibles and the time dilation that I experienced while I was blindfolded in soundproofed. Like that was wild. Like I had no, no [00:45:00] concept that that much time had passed until someone passed me a water and the ice had all melted.
[00:45:06] I was like, Oh, we’ve been up here for a while. Okay,
[00:45:11] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:45:11] that
[00:45:11] sounds delicious.
[00:45:12] Jessica : [00:45:12] Delicious. It was great. Awesome. Yeah. And to have the gang Bay engaged during the trip. So it’s like, welcome to desire getting engaged. Your price, the gang. No, I mean, if you want that, people will help you make it happen.
[00:45:30] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:45:30] They’re very nice.
[00:45:31] This is what we were saying. People are very, very friendly.
[00:45:34] Jessica : [00:45:34] Oh, yes. Yeah.
[00:45:36] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:45:36] And I think so. I don’t remember if we did this last year, but you know, at least in 2018 but I know in 2019 I’m Tristin Taromimo ran a how to, how to run a gangbang class.
[00:45:49] Jessica : [00:45:49] Yeah. The, and she did it in 2018 as well. So we were super excited for that.
[00:45:54] Um, great workshop and just the whole idea of reframing what it is like when you say gang [00:46:00] bang, are you picturing like a bunch of dudes on one check and it’s kind of humiliating there cause it doesn’t have to be that at all.
[00:46:08] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:46:08] Yeah. It could be all these other things, like a queen bee or having, you know, whatever it is that you want.
[00:46:18] Jessica : [00:46:18] Yeah. Mine, my, one of my rules was explicitly no bio cock penetration. So yeah. And also not to touch my bug bites. Oh my God. The
[00:46:31] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:46:31] biggest downside for me is
[00:46:34] fucking bud bug bites.
[00:46:37] And I did not bring insect repellent last year for 2019 but I am like buying like industrial strength for this upcoming one.
[00:46:44] Cause those. They, they kill me. I, although I did learn something, that there are two different kinds of anti-histamines. This is very important. There are two kinds of antihistamines and one kind is a very common kind. And the other kinds someone was [00:47:00] telling us about, um, as in a certain kind of like antacid medication.
[00:47:05] And when I combined the two, it did actually knock the bug bites right out. But like one kind was like, it didn’t really do.
[00:47:13] Jessica : [00:47:13] Much like it would,
[00:47:15] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:47:15] would do something for a moment, but they would kind of, they’re huge. Those bug lights for me. Oh yeah.
[00:47:20] Jessica : [00:47:20] The wealth up to a size and a quarter.
[00:47:21] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:47:21] Yeah. For the folks that we are reactive to them.
[00:47:24] It does. Not everybody is, but yeah, that’s definitely a bummer. So by getting both of those kinds of anti-histamines was really helpful.
[00:47:31] Jessica : [00:47:31] Cool.
[00:47:33] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:47:33] Yeah.
[00:47:34] Jessica : [00:47:34] Yeah.
[00:47:36] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:47:36] So that was a lot of things. Oh, is there? So I’m going to ask you two more questions. One is, is there anything else that you want to talk about? And then the other question is going to be, Mmm.
[00:47:46] If you want folks to be able to find you, you might say no, because. Mostly people, like not everybody has like a project that they’re doing or a Instagram thing or like, and that’s fine. No. Um, yeah. Those are two things
[00:48:01] [00:48:00] Jessica : [00:48:01] I think. I would just say that if your thinking about desire and you’re not sure if you can go down even for a couple of days and then see what it’s like, do it on a weekend and you’re going to go, tends to be fuller on the weekends and during the week, and it’s going to be what you make it to be. So if you go to unexpecting with an openness, you never know what might happen. Um, and I don’t really have any place where people can find projects in mind cause I’m doing this kind of ingonito so
[00:48:34] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:48:34] don’t try to find her
[00:48:36] Jessica : [00:48:36] no. With those folks that I do. One more laugh for my friend.
[00:48:40] Kelly, she’s just going to die. You’re like, I want that laugh. That’s
[00:48:48] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:48:48] awesome. Yeah. Thank you for coming and hanging out with me.
[00:48:52] Jessica : [00:48:52] Thanks for redoing the interview.
[00:48:54] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:48:54] Yeah. Maybe next year we’ll get to do another live in person and Cancun when that can be fun. [00:49:00] So cold and hold up in our houses and.
[00:49:04] Jessica : [00:49:04] Okay.
[00:49:06] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:49:06] But thank you for coming and playing with me.
[00:49:08] Jessica : [00:49:08] Well, thank you for having me.
[00:49:09] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:49:09] Thanks for being had.
[00:49:11] Jessica : [00:49:11] Yay.
[00:49:12] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:49:12] All right. This has been extraordinary, the podcast. Remember that you have the ability to make extraordinary choices and meet extraordinary people. Thank you so much for listening. Please make sure to like review and subscribe to my podcast, especially hit that subscribe button wherever you listen to podcasts.
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